Lindsay

A race of a different kind…

I haven’t talked much about my involvement with the cross
country team this spring, and this is because I have been
on a break from running for the past 10 weeks.

It was a difficult decision to make, but the Lord has really
used this time to repair my identity and to teach me
how to completely rely upon Him.

I’m convinced that
all human beings are brought into the world with a longing-
an empty place in their hearts that can only be satisfactorly
filled with the Spirit of the Living God. The human race is
plagued by addictions and dependencies because we are made
to be consummed by something and to be
dependent upon someone. For me, I struggled
with exercise addiction for a good year or so. Running became
something that I depended upon. My physical fitness became
my god. I look at myself after ten weeks of no physical activity
and I’m so glad I allowed the Lord to lead me down this path.

I’m more at rest than I’ve ever been. So many control issues in
my life now lay at the feet of Jesus. When my mind is off of the
physical race (for perfection, glory, honor, esteem, success), I can
pour my attention into the spiritual race that I long to run. I long
to be in step with the Spirit of God. I long to allow Him to live
His life through me… not vise versa (for wouldn’t this be an attempt
to use the Lord?)

Now, don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I’ll never run again.
In fact, I hope to begin very soon, because I want to run cross
country in the fall. I pray the Lord will allow me to, because
I miss the smell of the trails, the feeling of sweat pouring down
my face, the wild flowers and the wide open sky, the sound of
my own breathing against the subtle crunching of the grass and the
song of a bird in the tree above my head… I miss being at the
very end of myself (physically) and being able to sustain that. I miss
the soreness that a hard work-out brings. All good gifts come from
the Father. Running is a gift, but I will not pursue a gift above the Gift-Giver.

The Lord is my sustainer. He alone I will run after for all of my days,
for when my mortal flesh goes into the earth, I will be raised again
in glory on the day of Christ Jesus with a brand new body-… I will
be clothed in white and will fall at His feet and worship Him…

forever.

» Published by Lindsay on April 28th, 2008

His strength. My weakness.

Wow. These last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind!

There have been days of uninterupted happiness and days of
uninterupted sorrow. I can say that even the joy of my heart
began to fade on some of those darker days. Because joy only
comes from the Holy Spirit (true joy that is!), I am looking back
and noticing that it was on these days that I was releasing my
grip on the Lord. I was turning from the hope of glory with Him-
and looking around at all of the tasks, problems, and sin of this
world. I was turning my gaze from His. I took my eyes off of
the only one who sustains me. I despaired that even God was not
enough for me. Like Peter, when he stepped out of the boat to
walk on the water- I began to sink as soon as I failed to lock my
eyes with Jesus. It’s a beautiful thing, my brothers and sisters,
that Jesus doesn’t let us drown. I know He held me in these times
and once again established my feet upon ground that is not solid from
our perspective, but is an opportunity for God’s glory to be revealed!
God gets glory when we walk where we could not go on our own strength!
His grace is more than sufficient for me. Never has this been proven more
true to my heart. His Spirit must take full control, lest we are consumed by
the darkness of this world.

I was reading a journal entry from the Spring semester of my Freshman year (last year)
and this is what it said. I am continually surprised at the ways the Lord reveals Himself to me…even through my own words (obviously under His inspiration and based on His Word).

“Do not wander from the Spirit of the Lord.
Do not seek anything above Him.
He is the One for whom all things were created
and by whom all things were created. In Him all
things hold together. If you are not remaining in
Him, you will not hold together.
You will fall apart at the seams.
Your relationships will fall apart.
Your very being will start to die.
You will die a slow and painful death.”
3-27-07

Yeah. A warning to myself. A warning to you.
Don’t try to walk through this world alone.
In the Lord is found light and life and salvation.
If He is your stronghold, you will not be moved.
Apart from Him we have no good thing.
And with Him… all things are good. (for those who love Him… who are called according to His purpose)…

Praise Him! Hallelujah!

» Published by Lindsay on April 24th, 2008